East 26th and Celebrity Weather Report
Tower Control, 2007
Reviewing an album so conceptual absolves me from talking about a lot of inane details that normally I would dive right into; like vocal performance, guitar riffs, or melodies... Then again, is East 26th and Celebrity Weather Report really a “conceptual” record? If not, who says? You? Ha! Forget about it, I'm the reviewer here. Anyway, as asinine, boring, and pretentious as it may sound, here's a rundown of titles that I made up for each track, followed by a brief synopsis:
Track 1: “The millions of warnings of impending doom that you keep fucking ignoring.”
At any moment that harmonized doubt you hear lingering behind you mightjump at your throat. It's a little jarring in the mood it brings, but there is to stop it. In fact, it will most likely drown you in your sleep.
Track 2: “Trying to build an ABBA android in a rubber factor.”
It's almost an accident when the percussion hits on the beat, and it's intense... the ominous strings build the tension. Then a crack, and bam! Fernando! A beast of melody, and the song sung is like sea shanty; lost sailors on a disco ship sailing under dark clouds. At least Fernando is still there, I can hear him in the thunder.
Track 3: “Now we know something is really wrong.”
Try playing an epic and dark video game while enjoying this track. I suggest God of War, wherein you will navigate through a burning Athens while a towering Ares smites thousands. There is terror here and I'm alittle grateful for it. Brandishing a boredoms riff as a sword and kicking ass are a few of this song's favorite things.
Track 4: “The murder of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds”
A great rumble of drums with more bore-rhythms remind us that 42 musicians make up the Land of Buried Treasure. There is tension and eventual release, if you can find it. Meanwhile, at the scene of the crime, someone is trying to pick up and play the saxophone, and Kid Congo Powers is desperately grasping at his guitar strings while Mick Harvey keeps pounding on his kit, even long after his heart stopped pumping.
Track 5: “Man, I dropped some acid... now let's watch Evil Dead”
That pretty much covers it.
Track 6: “Let's talk about things that matter”
Eight minutes into this, my man is still delivering a lecture over a calm sea of feedback and organs. Finally though, a soaring organ leads the track into a climax. This is dense, macabre, velvety, rich, chocolaty bites of bittersweet chocolate covered melodicas.
Track 7: “Sweet driving guitar lick god of mercy, thanks for coming”
Glorious garage guitars and ultra-echoed drums spawn a new climax of screaming feedback and screaming buried treasures. The hint of a melody gets me a bit giddy at this point in the album, but it is cut short, to great effect, in terms of tension, release, and frustration.
Track 8: “Drivin' a truck through the fires of Hell”
Wherein our hero goes up a mountain, down a mountain, through some ominous forest, and falls into a tar pit of mangled instruments. Climbing out, he comes upon a bridge, but promptly falls off into a pit of 100 guitars, all detuned and laying bare-stringed against their amps. He finally builds a fire, settles under his grimy coat and stares at the stars. What does it mean? Did he make it? What did we learn?
East 26th and Celebrity Weather Report is a compelling and challenging metal composition. A blend of no-wave punk, the Boredoms, and Einsterzende Neubauten. It's a moody album, and it pulls me in on everytrack. It's funny—after the album is over, the melody to “Fernando” still echoes in my head. The coolest part, though, is in LoBT's version there's a short noisy buzz after the first line of the chorus, filled with drums and a buzzing lull. Quiet moments like that characterize what East 26th... embodies: a purpose to noise and melody, which gives the listener an experience.
